Used News

All the News that Fits…

Dear reader, this has been a week with such abundance of coverable snews that your humble correspondent simply couldn’t choose, so…

I’m announcing the first very semi-[insert term denoting length of time] Used News:

Bush Operatives Secretly Pushing Trump to Hurt Rubio

Ok, this one is destined to be an X-Files episode featuring Cancer-Man sending a shape-shifter to impersonate Jeb! to give the impression that Jeb! really wants to win the nomination–unlike the real Jeb!.

Like all good conspiracy theories, this one makes no sense, has no facts to back it up and is totally more fun than reality. Supposedly, Jeb!’s campaign operatives have circulated the rumor that Trump is the new establishmentarians’ choice, supplanting Marco~. Somehow this means that Jeb! will beat out Marco~ in Iowa and New Hampshire forcing Marco~ to leave the race, clearing the way for Jeb! to lose to Trump and Cruz all by himself!

Except that Carson, Christie, Kasich, Fiorina, Paul, Huckabee and Santorum are still in the race.

One thing at a time Jeb! One thing at a time.

Headlines from The Other Side

Presented without comment because they speak for themselves…..

Ted Nugent Wants Obama Executed: ‘He’s The Enemy Of America’

Yesterday, National Rifle Association board member Ted Nugent took to Facebook to declare that President Obama and Hillary Clinton “should be tried for treason & hung,” and later that day appeared on Newsmax TV to continue to rail against Obama.
– via www.rightwingwatch.org

Rafael Cruz: Public Education Is A Communist Plot

Rafael Cruz, the father of and top campaign surrogate for Sen. Ted Cruz, claimed today that the country’s public school system was founded by “a member of the American Communist Party.”

The elder Cruz alleged in an interview on the Sirius XM program “Breitbart News Daily” this morning that public schools are brainwashing children into communism….
– via www.rightwingwatch.org

Ted Cruz Welcomes Endorsement Of Mike Bickle, Who Believes Oprah Is A Forerunner To The Antichrist

Bickle, unsurprisingly is a demon-fighting radical who believes that gay marriage is “rooted in the depths of hell,” that homosexuality “opens the door to the demonic realm” and that Oprah Winfrey is a forerunner of the Antichrist
– via www.rightwingwatch.org

Hmmm, what door could homosexuality open? Would that be the back door Mr. Bickle?

Ok, I couldn’t resist commenting on that.

Sorry. Sort of.

Not really.

And Now For Some Words from our Friends at Faux News:

#Blizzard2016: Seven ways snow in Washington is like our government

By Sharon Kehnemui
– via Fox News

Oh, wait I know this one:

  1. Its all white
  2. It’s slippery
  3. It’s cold and uncaring
  4. It’s gets filthy very easily
  5. You really don’t want it to hang around
  6. No two flakes are exactly alike
  7. You need a shovel to deal with it

No? Really?

Why Hillary Clinton’s legal woes are grave or even fatal: A tale of two smoking guns

By Judge Andrew P. Napolitano
– via Fox News

Ben Hur! No, wait…

Ben Gurion! No, that isn’t it either….

Benghazi! Yeah and emails!

Keep chasing that roadrunner Fox. You’ll get there some day.

And Finally, Our Person of the Week: Sarah Palin

Momma Grizzly Sarah Palin emerged from hibernation to spout a seemingly endless string of loosely connected words punctuated with exclamation points !!! and ending with an “Obama!”

“Well, I am here because like you I know that it is now or never. I’m in it to win it because we believe in America, and we love our freedom. And if you love your freedom, thank a vet. Thank a vet, and know that the United States military deserves a commander-in-chief that our country passionately, and will never apologize for this country. A new commander-in-chief who will never leave our men behind. A new commander-in-chief, one who will never lie to the families of the fallen. I’m in it, because just last week, we’re watching our sailors suffer and be humiliated on a world stage at the hands of Iranian captors in violation of international law, because a weak-kneed, capitulator-in-chief has decided America will lead from behind. And he, who would negotiate deals, kind of with the skills of a community organizer maybe organizing a neighborhood tea, well, he deciding that, “No, America would apologize as part of the deal,” as the enemy sends a message to the rest of the world that they capture and we kowtow, and we apologize, and then, we bend over and say, “Thank you, enemy.” We are ready for a change. We are ready and our troops deserve the best. A new commander-in-chief whose track record of success has proven he is the master at the art of the deal. He is one who would know to negotiate.
– via BuzzFeed

“Well, he being the only one who’s been willing, he’s got the guts to wear the issues that need to be spoken about and debate on his sleeve, where the rest of some of these establishment candidates, they just wanted to duck and hide. They didn’t want to talk about these issue until he brought ‘em up. In fact, they’ve been wearing a, this, political correctness kind of like a suicide vest.
– via BuzzFeed

“Now, finally friends, I want you to try to picture this, it’s a nice thing to picture. Exactly one year from tomorrow, former President Barack Obama. He packs up the teleprompters and the selfie-sticks, and the Greek columns, and all that hopey, changey stuff and he heads on back to Chicago, where I’m sure he can find some community there to organize again. There, he can finally look up, President Obama will be able to look up, and there, over his head, he’ll be able to see that shining, towering, Trump tower. Yes, Barack, he built that, and that says a lot. Iowa, you say a lot, being here tonight, supporting the right man who will allow you to make America great again. God bless you! God bless the United States of America and our next president of the United States, Donald J. Trump!”
– via BuzzFeed

Sarah, I have really, really missed you.

Please don’t leave again.

I need you.

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2 comments

  1. Fuck, that was funny, especially the list about snow. If you have too much time on your hands, you use it well.

    Bickle does, I hate to say it, have a point about Oprah, though.

    Like

    1. Too much and too much drink. As far as Oprah goes, spelled backwards that is Harpo, as in Marx. And a Marx wrote “Das Kapital”! A coincidence? Hmmmm….

      Like

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