Potty Politics

potty politics

Make America’s Bathrooms Great Again

Ted Cruz has found the issue that will propel him to the foreskin forefront of the GOP’s (Guardians of Pee) Urinary Primary race:

Securing America’s bathrooms from the Transgendered!

“Donald on television this morning said, gosh, he thought that men should be able to go into the girl’s bathroom if they wanted to. Now let me ask you, have we gone stark raving nuts?”
– via www.mediaite.com

According to the Cruzader, without potty laws to protect them, little girls are going to be all alone with the wrong kind of people:

“…grown adult men– strangers– should not be alone in a bathroom with little girls.”

Well, gosh, that does sound wrong: grown adult men — strangers!!! — alone in bathrooms!!! With little girls!!!


Yes, my gentle reader, you or your little ones could be alone in a bathroom with — dare I write it — a transgendered person who self-identifies as a woman.

Of course, if it’s a transgendered person who self-identifies as a man — or translated into Cruzader: a strange woman alone in the bathroom with men and little boys — well, that doesn’t sound so bad, right?

But no!

Once something gets slipped in under the stall tent, there’s no getting it out again!

So I guess we need potty police.

Ooo, I got it: a new agency! Something like Homeland Security, but for potties! We could disguise them as janitors and have them make sure that only the right parts go into the right holes stalls.

They would be highly trained in detecting appropriate correlative genital attire. Maybe we could re-purpose all those porno-scanners that the airports can’t use anymore!

And are you going to let something like a package pat-down prevent you from standing up for the right of straight Americans to pee in peace!


And it’s not like we don’t have some experience in segregating bathrooms….


But today’s updated and totally ok version would be….

GOP bathroom sign

And the agency to undersee all this?

I humbly suggest:

The Junk Squad.

<mic drop>


One comment

  1. Judson, Judith · · Reply

    I sent this to my transgender friend; he got a great laugh from it. Idiots. If I saw JC coming out of the Women’s room, I’d think he was a pervert – THAT is when I’d be concerned about children.


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