2017 Resolutions…

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Nyet me!

 

Russian accent optional….

Dear Comrades Readers,

Zdravstvuj!

I have hacked started working for Stupidiousness, the pre-eminent faux news service in whole known world.

I am 400-pound, 12 year-old boy living in mother’s basement. I currently writing this while wearing Putin Poo-Bear Pajamas.

I have many useful idiots friends.

Among these is very special friend. You can call him Mr. T.

Sounds manly, no?

Mr. T has just gotten new job. I DID NOT help get new job. Nyet!

He totally got on his own. Da.

Anyway, you will like him very much!

He is very great man!

Almost as great as most manliest man ever! Vladimir Putin! Da!

But he is not him. Just almost as best.

You are very lucky that he is new puppet president for you!

He will be very useful good!

So I wish you most happy new years.

Most Sincerely,

Vlad ImPutin
the bestest writer for Stupidiousness

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