Early this morning, pre-sentient Trump tweeted that he has conclusive proof that Mars is tapping his brain. According to the supreme cheeto: “The losers on Mars are trying to make me appear crazy. Sad!” White House sources report that they have all been ordered to wear tin-foil hats to “screw Mars.” Kellyanne Conway was later […]

Dear reader, after a weekend in which we learned that our special needs president threw a tizzy and North Korea’s equally stable Kim Jung Un threw some missiles (bringing us one twit-snit from nuclear war), I thought maybe we should start the week with something a little lighter from the celebrity files, no? So there […]

World, hey we need to talk…. You know that things here in the old US of A are not, well, shall we say “normal”. In fact, things are very different now and you may need to adjust your thinking. We are going through what we all hope is a phase–a very, very short phase. And […]

America, do you need an intervention? This Cheeto thing is getting out of hand. You ate the whole bag and found a surprise president inside. And now he’s throwing tantrums in public. I know that you’re depressed. And I get the drinking, I really do, in fact I’m drinking right now. But there’s only so […]

Hello again my friends…it is me Vlad Imputin, who is NOT the wonderous shirtless specimen of delicious white meat pictured foreground above. Nyet! I am here to relay the sweetness of our puppet your president to you on this glorious Valentine’s Day. Da. He is very sweet on his most maleness, Vladimir Putin–may all his […]

  In honor of his unpresidented puppetry presidency, Cheetoz announces our inaugural bag of Crazy Tweetin’ Cheetoz–Extra Cranky featuring his orangeness himself…Donald Trump! We’ve packed every tweetin cheeto with one third more faux cheese than regular Cheetoz. And we’ve added some of the Cheeto-in-Chief’s favorite cranky tweetin words like: SAD, FAKE NEWS and the ever popular […]

Donald Trump, Puppet of the Russian United States (POTUS), and Steve Bannon, American Strategist Supreme for the Holy Oligarch Leninist Empire (ASSHOLE), shown above, have been prank calling world leaders in a hillarious preview of their reality TV sitcom to be titled POTUS & ASSHOLE Screw the World. According to insiders Australia’s Malcolm Turnbull drew the […]